id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
