tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
