I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize