im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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