her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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