I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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