Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My feet surprised me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
