I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize