She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
