I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
