Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
