The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
