I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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