I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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