just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
