remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I smell like Dick and happiness
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
