3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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