Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
