lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
