Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
