Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
