and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
