he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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