I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
