My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
