Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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