I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
