you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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