So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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