we have pet lesbian snakes
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
