I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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