Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm too high and old for this...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
