I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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