Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
