Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
