the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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