He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
