drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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