Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
