john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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