Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
