speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did i walk over a car last night?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
