You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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