...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
pray to the hookup gods
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
