I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
