Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
