Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
