I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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