i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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