Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
