I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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