The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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