I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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