There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
