Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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