I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
