Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
