Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
