i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
