I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
