I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
