I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Small penises have feelings too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
