You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
