So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
