This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
