You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
