You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
farters have to be the big spoon...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
