I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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