could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
