Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
