I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
