Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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