I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
