my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My balls are so social today.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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