Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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