the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
