when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
