Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
